i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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