Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
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We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
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And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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