It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Randomize
