One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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