She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
