I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
how drunk are you?
Several
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
