im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
