yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
i just google imaged poop.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
