i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
i am craving dick and cupcakes
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
