i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
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