You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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