We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
