you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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