the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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