New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize