I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
