As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
