period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
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