life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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