there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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