HIV tests are more positive than that guy
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Randomize
