Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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