Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.