I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
25 People Share How They Got Out Of Their Longest Dry Spell
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
21 People Confess Their Craziest Online Dating Experience
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.