I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"