Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december