oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
