If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
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The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
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He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
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