I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
the condom got lost in my hair
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
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