so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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