don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
