Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
