My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
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he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
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If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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