i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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