How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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