Don't make out with my wife yet
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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