Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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