after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Randomize
