hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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