Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
how do flat chested girls get laid?
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
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