Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
