bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
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