By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
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You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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