just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
