david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
