My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
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