lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
