I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
that's an acceptable place to lick
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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