cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Randomize
