But do you think a lot of ppl use facebook as a masturbation supplement to porn?
Let me make clear that I am not a facebook masturbator
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
