I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
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he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
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Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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