I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
