he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
