you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
