I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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