Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
