He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I fill condoms, not promises.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Randomize
