At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
