Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
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