He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
We left the knife in your bed.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
