Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize