i permit you to call me
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
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The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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