I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
