oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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