Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
