the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
i need some magic done to my vagina
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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