Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
