Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
