omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
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