I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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